Best Yes: Week Four

My kids are the WORST when they don't get enough sleep. They scream. They wail. They hit each other.  They become impulsive in the worst possible ways.  Do they succumb to impulsive urges to nap a little later in the day? Do restful activities to conserve energy like coloring or reading? Quietly just go to bed a bit earlier and faster? No way! 

My boys get impulses to run clumsily around the living room, gleefully throwing easy to trip on toys everywhere that either trip each other or they simply trip over their own feet.  My eldest son dissolves into temper tantrums that render him unrecognizable and although he is five, has already broken both arms! He broke his left before bedtime when he impulsively stood on the couch and them fell and his right before nap time time when he impulsively decided to ride a laundry basket down the stairs.  See what I mean about making bad decisions when tired?  Instead of choosing activities that will restore them, like, oh, I don't know, sleeping?!?!?, my sons choose to tackle one another or hurtle themselves off furniture or downstairs.  (My eldest son even climbed his dresser about ten minutes before lights out and  almost killed himself once last year, but was miraculously unhurt.) 

I mention this now because as I was watching my tired children make bad decision after bad decision right before bedtime a couple of days ago and praying to God that I would not blow up at them or my husband myself since I had had a rough time making good verbal decisions myself that day, I suddenly realized that my sons (as hard to handle as they are right before bedtime), are apples that have landed fairly close to the proverbial tree. I really am not much different than they are in God's eyes. I get tired myself: tired of cleaning, tired if parenting, tired of cooking, tired of taking care of others, and just like my sons, instead of taking restful time to pray or walk or get away, or read my bible or blog, I throw myself into another afternoon of riduculous activity that only serves to tire me out further and make me even more short tempered with those I love!  (Does this sound familiar to anyone? I can't be alone in this!)  Instead of realizing that my impulse to snap at my husband is God's way of telling me that I need to take time to reconnect with him, I impulsively and self righteously get mad at HIM!  

Just like my kids try to show me they aren't tired when I already know they are, I take on more and more as if to show God, "see I can handle this! I don't need you to tell me to rest", really I do.  Just like my kids need me to enforce strict bedtimes and safety rules and keep a nap routine. They won't do it on their own; just like I won't make wise choices on my own without God.  

Lord, I am so sorry I waste the time I should be resting in your arms and listeningnto your wise counsel screeching about how dirty the house is or taking on random projects that wear me out more. I will try to do better, Lord, and to listen to both the warnings you give me in my own body and in my heart!

Best Yes: Week Three

So, I'm three weeks into this bible study and I think I may have finally had an "aha" moment that I should have had a long time ago.  The only "best yes" is to say "yes" forever and eternally to God being in control and to not presume that the decisions I make are half as important as what he will make of them.

Simple right? But not easy.  This week, my family faced the decision of whether or not to replace our beloved family car, and if we did, which vehicle do we replace it with. We debated the merits of each vehicle. We test drove. We debated payment caps and doen payments. I prayed for wisdom.  This feels like a bigdecision  for us. We haven't had a car payment in almost five years. We are nervous about taking on the expense.  

At one point, my husband felt immobilized by the magnitude of the decision: What if his job disappears? How will we afford this? Which car would be the smartest buy? He was spinning in his tracks.  I used the methods in the bible study to point out that there were no truly "bad" decision we could make and that all our decisions (even just repairing the car we already owned outright), were good mixed with some bad.  It made him feel better to see that it was useless to look for the "perfect" decision and that what we decided might have different consequences, but certainly wouldn't he "wrong."

That was all good, but here's what I missed: the car decision seemed most important because it gave us the illusion of control. We felt like we were "deciding" our future with our car choice; that's what we so when we imbue our decisions with such importance that they immobilize us: we give ourselves the illusion of power. We have to make the "perfect" decision because we think we have all the power. If I am really a Christian I have to stop that kind of thinking.  I have to remember that God has all the power.

Of course my choices matter and I should use wisdom to make them (especially big financial decisions like a new car!). But I should always remember to say "Yes" to God being the highest and most important power.  I can't let myself forget that in the daily grind of making my decisions . . . Even my "wisest" ones.

Best Yes: Week Two

"By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles" Matthew 7:16

In this week's reading for the bible study, the author mentions the story of a woman who was so recognized as "wise" that when she walked around her city with a plan for how to rid itself of the problems it now found itself in, everyone recognized her as wise and heeded her wisdom (the story is in 20th chapter of 2 Samuel). 

I wonder, what am I known for right now?  I know what I used to want to be known for. I wanted to be known for being beautiful and talented. I wanted to be known for being inspirational. I wanted to be known as a singer.  What I wanted for myself is not really what God wanted for me or gifted me with.  

If I really consider what good I am known for, it's probably for being loving and lifting others up. "My favorite thing about you is the way you love me," is actually a statement I've heard multiple times in my life.  Many years ago, I took a "gifts of the spirit" quiz and exhortation came up as (by far) my strongest gift. I was shocked.  "What kind of a gift is that?" I wondered with 20 year old impatience, but this is what I have learned in the years since, it's one the world needs greatly.  

Seeing what is wonderful and beautiful about others is easy for me. Seeing the silver lining in nearly every situation is natural. Loving the beauty in others and telling them about the beauty they have is a simple way to make the day brighter.  It may not be an exciting gift and it may not be the kind of gift that transforms the world, but it's a God given gift all the same.  I am called daily (if I listen close enough) to love those around me. Even if I don't know them very well or feel uncomfortable approaching them.  I can see the compliments that people deserve to hear and know the words that are needed to lift their day.

It's hard to be loving and to not ask for that kind of love in return. It's hard not to wonder when someone will want to lift my spirit when I'm low. It's easy to get upset about my lack of returns. I am, after all, only human and somewhat selfish at times, but if I am to believe in a God who loves perfectly and provides perfectly, than I need to believe that I still need to keep speaking the beautiful truths about those around me even if I'm not sure what's beautiful about me and must rely on God to speak it back to me.  After all, who better to rely on?

Motherhood may just be my best chance at accessing the wisdom God wants me to have in my life.  I cannot forget to uplift my children and love them no matter what. I cannot forget to speak the words I know will enable them to see the beauty in themselves. I know it is God's love that is moving through me and it will teach me a kind of wisdom I need to serve.  Also, I know that whatever happens in the future, those around me will always know that I saw the best of them and how I felt about them.  There's something very fulfilling about that im and of itself.

So, Lord. Let me always speak and wrote the uplifting vision and words you have gifted me with.  Help me to access your wisdom on how best to serve and love others. Help me also to accept the love you give me as my replenishment.  In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!