As I lay next to him last night, trying to soothe him back to sleep for the fourth or fifth time, my own heart racing in panic at the thought that one day very soon we could be suffering yet another hard blow, one that may result in us having to move and sell our house, the first house in nearly twenty years I had let myself hope I could stay in for the forseeable future, so tht we can have enough money for the allergy safe groceries we need for our son, it occurred to me that while I berate myself for worrying about something that may or may not come, it does nothing to assuage my feelings. It's as useful as yelling angerly at my baby's closed bedroom door that "everything is all right, now stop crying, and go to sleep," Such an action would only teach him that his feelings were not important to me and, worse yet, his feelings shouldn't matter to him or are wrong.
God does not make us to not have feelings and worry has a purpose. This worry is leading us to make serious budget cutbacks and pre-plan just in case and is helping us work through our emotions now before we are faced with the situation if it comes. How many times do the psalms and Job in the bible talk about "crying out to the Lord?" Dozens. While I am doing my best to not let fear of the future arrest me everyday, It's probably only natural that I should have a few panicky moments at night. Maybe instead of trying to shut off these worries all on my own and shove them down and tell myself that what I'm feeling is wrong or pointless, what I should do is follow my son's example and cry out for my father and let him come to me at night and wrap his arms around me while I pour my fears out to him and then sleep in his arms. I must remember that I am in the "bosom" of the Lord and as such, I am like his nursing child who can only be comforted by his presence. If I don't let myself cry out, I don't really summon him or give him an honest view of my feelings.
